Saturday, August 03, 2013

Entertain me Edinburgh


I wake up open the curtains

and look out of my favourite window. I put my contact lenses in

and look up the street.

the city is alive. There is the smell of bacon and sausage in the air as my brother is sorting out breakfast for us all. When we are done we all head out. First I go without a coat but by the time I get to the end of the road, I decide to run back and get one, as the wind is cold. Back in the apartment my brother calls and asks for his too.

I join them once more at the taxi rank and we quickly get one and head over to saint Andrew’s Square.

The tram way is coming on and looks much better than last year. Perhaps one year they might well finish it.

We go into Harvey Nicks

And look around the food hall considering what it is we should buy, whilst my mom enjoys looking through the vast range of teas.

O my god, who likes Tabasco sauce so much that they need to buy an £80 bottle of the stuff!


Whilst in there I see the perfect sweets to take back to the office. Oh they’ll love these ;)

After much shopping for items we don’t need we leave and head over to the square, wander the activates there, watch one off the gazebos take off, as they had not pegged it down, and ended up in Lakeland. I wandered the isles with my mom, looking at the nick naks and things we really don’t need but were buying once more anyway.

Les and Rob had had enough by this time and had gone to sit down somewhere in the street, We reach them and

they have found a nice little spot next to a tent with live music playing.

So we are going to eat and relax here then? After no one taking our orders I call one of the waitresses over and ask if i can order. She takes our order and notes it on her pad. So Les orders a coffee, my mom orders water, my brother a coke, me I order beer. Les nearly chokes when he hears me ordering beer. “at this time of day?!” Well I’m not driving today and I’m relaxing. Luckily my dad next orders a large glass of red wine. I site back and await the refreshing cool taste of beer to appear.

Now I noted that she wrote it down, unlike the other waiters / waitress whom were using a hand held computer. Time passed and nothing came. I also notice that one waiter in particular seemed to be more with it than the rest and called him over. I explained that we’d ordered a while ago and that it would be nice to have our drinks before the food. When he came back it was as I thought, not in the queue, although he didn’t say that.

Drinks suddenly appeared and I asked how long the food was going to be. I will check. Yeah I bet. Food is on its way too. I did have to pester them about this but as long as I had a drink the weather had picked up and it was nice to relax.

Food did come eventually and mine was

worth the wait.

Eventually people wanted to move on, not me I could have sat there with a beer, enjoying the music and watching the world go by. We head down the road and I head us all into the Trespass store. And in there I brought another coat, light blue and fits well. I could resist, and it might well rain.

We enjoy the gardens

the sunshine and then decide to move on up to the old town, we get a taxi and get dropped off as high up as possible.

Les and Rob want to go into the Whiskey Experience store so we go whilst I go with my dad to get a Mackies Ice Creams oh yeah.

Inside the Whiskey experience there is like every year a whole load of whiskeys. The second floor were the blended stuff is, is empty and a nice place to be.

Downstairs though is savage. They buy yet more whiskey and that's it I’m off.

And take my mom to the Edinburgh Wool shop to buy more Edinburgh Tat.

We wander the street and acts until we are tired, well we have worn my mom out and so head into

the Tron, a converted church with live music on. I find my mom a seat and eventually some people make room for the rest of us. I go and get some beers in, I  ask who much the bottle of Staropramen are, £4.50 any bottle, good god I thought and rethought ah sod it.

When he asks for the cash he has obviously not counted right. But it is enough. I return to the table and advise how much the drinks are. Oh well I said the free live music isn’t free is it.

We enjoy the free music and chatter with the people sitting with us. now this is enjoyable.

I note to Les the show we are going to see later would appear to be just round the corner.

And so it comes time when someone else needs to go to the expensive bar but no one wants to. My brother comes back and says “yep this time they were that price!”

Time flew bye and before you know it it is 5pm! Oh dear we have got to go. We still have the parents here to, oh well its only down the road, Can you run mom! Well she moves as quick as she can, we find the Cabaret Voltaire, one of the night clubs I’ve never ventured in here. Yep she is on Room Two down stairs. Okay

Now give my mom her due she had managed to go for a right paced walk but now she was confronted with lots and lots and lots of steps into the depths of the club.

The others went to the bar whilst I took her into room two.

Well I thought it hasn’t started bonus. Looking around I had to consider that the only seats available were the ones on the front row! Oh hum. Never the place to be when a comedian is on stage. I sit my mom one seat away from the wall and sit next to her. I ponder what the others will think when they come down. Les appeared. Oh you have got to be joking and immediately snuck into the seat by the wall. Which meant my dad and brother were by the micro phone. Prime seat positions! Well the set had started but only by the comedian, who described themselves as a 12 year old boy, had to everyone but us to write what is fun to them on a piece of paper and was now collecting them in a bucket.


So apart from the 5 at the front who aren't taking part we will start the game Guess who. She pulls out a piece of paper and written on it is…. nothing. Then pulls out a second one. She unfolds the paper and..

This person most enjoys doing - a right ripper of a fart just as they have climbed under the duvet. Well as she looks around and considers who it might be. She guess once and is wrong. She guesses twice and she is wrong both times. “Right then for the 5 at the front this is were things get tedious for you. And the 90 year old lady who was dragged down is going to think F*** her. What I want everyone to do now is to bow down expect the person who wrote this. You can see I’m not very good at this game and I can only get better”. 1 2 3 and everyone bows down. It was in fact aging but normal looking chap sitting behind us, oh so its you and whilst you’ve been under that duvet you've obviously been busy, as she guests to the young girl sitting next to him who is heavily pregnant. You’ve done well for yourself haven't you, how old is she? Oh she’s not you partner she’s your daughter, oh I did think you’d excelled yourself there. Act continued and I was disappointed when the Guess Who Games ended. The act is a good one and to mention anything would probably kill the comedy for you so I’ll leave it there and say if your around and see her name on stage you should go and be entertained.

We climb the 50 odd stairs and mom my want to go to the toilet. I ponder for a moment if she want to snort cocaine with her young son. Nope she doesn’t.

We head back tot he apartment for tea.

And yet more Mackies ice cream. Although I have to say I much prefer just the plain one to any other flavour still.

I go to my room to get changed

and sit at my window.


As I look out I can see

four scantily dressed lads by the red bin. Now this red bin is seeing some action. Last night a girl went behind it and did a pee. A couple went behind it and shagged, and this morning a bloke opened it up and climbed out of it and went down the road on his way. I wonder what they are going to do?

The time came to get a cab up to the castle, so on with the coats and down to the taxi rank once more.

We reach the top and

join the famous big queue.

Which is never a bad queue as when it moves it really moves.

Within ten minutes thousands of people are in the stadium.

The starting ceremony beings

the bands come out and the bagpipes play.

A change of band and a change of tempo

Ah the big banging drums my favourite

Then we get some far east band come on and it is a completely different atmoposhpere

more artistic and less brutal

And then a band from Mexico

Colourful, delightful

and romantic.

Rainbows of colour floods the stage to the delightful music.

Then a another band and

some kind of duet.

along with some legs

Next is a band which portraits a winter scene and fake snow is blown everywhere.

And with great effect

as the castle is displayed in a frozen state.

Outcome the beefeaters

and play the horns. They part midway and makeway for

a puppeteer horse. Now this was incredibly well done. A magnificent display.

And so near the end all the bands come out.

Play some tune altogether and then

get ready to watch the fireworks display

Bang Wosh sparkle

The union Jack is hung over the castle

The lone pipe plays and

that draws the show to the end.

We wait for the stadium to clear and Les decides to go and get his car to get my mom back safely and quickly.

I get a call to say he is at the car and so we get up to start our way down the steps

down the road to where he can pull the car up. It takes a while but his timing is perfect.

We get in the car and head back to the apartment, wow its cold out there.


"Nowhere Near The End Of the Rainbow"
contains information that is non-accurate, made up and in some cases just down right lies. Anything in this blogg may be based on true fiction but to help dramatise it, some items may have been embellished. Some names are made up, others are not and any that are familar to yours just are.





 Near The End Of The Rainbow

An account of something that may one day turn out to be wonderful.......