Having had a conversation with my parents, I get the green light, should I push the button? I decide enough is enough and make an appointment with my boss. It ends up an odd morning as I’ve a meeting first thing in the morning and he is actually sitting in it unexpectedly. Later in the day when I’m more stable, I go and see him and tell him I’m not coping. We have a long discussion. Will it make any difference? I don’t know. I feel better for telling him though. And now if I don’t turn up for work again at least they know why. It may not show on my face how I’m suffering or how unhappy I am. But I’m not sure I can keep this up. I can see this being the end of the job, the house, my life as it is. Some eight months ago everything was moving along fine. Now though it has all changed and I can’t seem to get out a downward spiral. Every now and again I bounce up a bit, but it doesn’t last. It is hard work.
At the station my parents meet me and we go for dinner at the Mill Farm Pub. I have a pizza. It is nice and with that all I want to do again is sleep.